LifeCast: 2012-11-08
Title: The Bright Side of Life
Hosts: ELLE -1 and The NOVIE
Short Description:
ELLE-1 and The NOVIE talk about the root cause of why couples argue so much. The discussion analyzed where may be the solution to why fighting is a stagnation for individuals both in the physical world and for those wishing to ascend into the next dimension.
LifeCast: TBSOL 2012 11 08 - Why So many Arguements
Most people think that it's normal to argue with one another.
That's just the way it is.
As relationships are something that I pay special attention to, I feel that as humans, we created a huge misunderstanding of how relationships were originally designed to work. As a result, relationships really do seem like more stress than they are worth.
...And yet, as studies also show, the human body retains better health and a decrease of stress when it is interacting with other humans and living within a communal lifestyle as opposed to one of solitude. Why is this the case, and how can we find a place of true happiness with someone else?
The Novie says that we (I guess he means us humans and even us half-humans) believe things are black and white are primarily because of our upbringing.
So why oh why don't things work out the way we expect them to? I would always wonder that...
Part of the reason is because we expect them to, I discovered.
ELLE-1 stated in a previous Logdate article, after reflecting on her own experience, and applying the knowledge and resources into a lifestyle of her own, that the ideal relationship is something we consciously work towards. So then, how can you work towards a relationship if you can't expect things to work out? But then, who said you need to have any expectations to begin with?
These are questions that can drive a person crazy.
Nonetheless, it is important to be fully aware of the trends that have been ingrained within our lives in order to know that we have the choice to change them if we wanted to.
The choice to have a truly beneficial and lasting relationship is a lifestyle choice of constant change, self reflection, and self growth (or becoming). It is not a belief system, nor is it a controversial opinion.
Unfortunately, the general trend has shown that this does not work in our world because have such a lifestyle goes beyond the mindset that we have now...
...And what is the mindset that we have now?
To comprehend this, we have discovered from our research some of the major misunderstandings that have been ingrained into human beings and have caused them to sabotage their chances of finding a truly fulfilling relationship:
Misunderstanding: We are addicted to comfort.
We were raised to believe that life is supposed to be comfortable, and more importantly, that change is uncomfortable.
This is evident in the public school systems that our governments have set up. Most people think that people are biased or elitist when they accuse public schools of enabling kids to fail. However, there is something to be said about teaching standardized tests to the point of route memorization, or the lack of criticsl thinking skills that most of the students exhibit. In this way, these students are taught that being mentally comfortable, or pushing beyond the normal expectations, is an exception rather than a norm.
However, the same addiction to being comfortable is evident in schools that do teach critical thinking (some people have referred to these schools as private schools). In these schools, the purpose of arguing and debating is for the sake of being right, rather than for the sake of discovery or learning more.
When you sit down to think about it, is anyone truly comfortable? No, they are always running from one source of comfort or high to another. Take for instance, the idea of a mid-life crisis. The person feels compelled to go back to a stage where he or she felt sure about life. This of course, is an illusion and a perspective based on time. If we embrace changing, and by changing I mean growing and gaining more knowledge and wisdom, then we can never be sure of life!
Misunderstanding: We are supposed to know everything already.
This may seem ludicrous to think about at first. After all, don't we send a four year old to pre-school for a reason? Of course we do. But look at the subconscious talk that is evident when we feel ashamed and guilty for "knowing better." Think about a time inb your life when you felt embarrassed or ashamed because someone hurt you. You think that you were supposed to be "smarter" than to let someone take advantage of you.
Think of the interview scenario for a new job. The questions that a potential employer ask revolve around knowing the job to a level that you were already working it before you sat came there!
Granted, there is nothing wrong with progressing and knowing more and more. But when we are condescended for the being new to something, we eventually shut down and associate learning with anxiety, fear, and ridicule.
If this is the mindset we have now, how can we learn something new from anyone else if we think we are expected from society, our parents, our schools, (and now within the subconscious mindset of our potential partner), to come into the relationship pre-packaged to already be the perfect creation for the other, and visa-versa?
Misunderstanding: It's okay to find someone to "settle down" with.
This doesn't mean that you should remain alone or not have any company. What it means is that we have been told that we can be happy if we find someone who can "accept us as we are." If "as we are" already decided to put a stop to their own learning, then this really translates to a kind of enabling. In other words, find someone that will allow you to stop learning and be okay with it. Given this, it is no wonder that most relationships end in a period of 3-7 years.
Why is this? For one, the majority of people are responding to someone reactively and chemically.
In other words, our society has taught us to like someone that "makes you feel good." Since the high comes from chemical reactions in the brain, the chemistry inevitably wears off--give it about 3-7 years. This is what most people refer to as "the spark dying down."
Misunderstanding: Arguments and conflict are bad, and should be avoided, unless it's a "necessary evil", at all costs.
Let's break it down again: Change revolves transitioning from one phase to the next, whether it is changing a routine, a personality trait, an action, the way we say things, the clothes we wear, the food you eat, you name it. this is going to involves some discomfort because of the fact that we are going into something new. Discomfort can create arguments and conflict, if only in the fact that people react negatively to change. More importantly, conflict is created in the brain of the person trying to change, as the brain has developed its own network of neuro-dendrites Because of this almost inevitable consequence of change, people avoid the source of the arguments and conflict: change.
So once again, if we are avoiding change and rather living reactively in stagnation, we cannot continue to grow.
So what is mindset that is needed for us to have a relationship that truly benefits all parties involved?
First off, this kind of mindset involves total encompassment of a new way of perceiving, living, changing, and becoming. In other words, a big part of changing many if not all aspects of life involves fully embracing it. It does not involve a series of stagnant steps and techniques, though the change can begin in just a few aspects of your life. It is really up to you how far you want to take it.
Don't you think it's time for a change?
What we have not been taught, if only in half truths, is the true nature of relationships. This includes romantic as well as other personal relationships. Though there are different approaches for the kinds of relationships revolved around business and the workplace, the concepts presented here can apply in those areas too.
That said, relationships were ultimately designed to function as mirrors for us. What we see in others as a basic of attraction or repulsion is really an indication of what we have not developed and accepted within ourselves. Once we choose to accept these traits within ourselves, and develop to whatever level we want, then we can get along better with others, have less detrimental arguments, and feel overall more confident and sure of our own self-worth and self-love.
Sound simple enough? Well, it is and then it isn't.
Reading this article is a great first step, understanding it and applying it is the next phase. Keep in mind that if all things could be taught in one sitting, we would all be extremely smart and talented! Instead, it takes a while--a matter of months, to a matter of years. Fortunately, we do have the resources here to help you on your own journey. Below is a just a brief list and where to find them.
iRadio Lifecasts
This is a great resource to start with! iRadio hosts ELLE-1 and The Novie explain some of the complicated questions in life in simply complex manner. The Living Now segment focuses on relationships as a foundation for getting along in life...and getting along with yourself. Of course, they also discuss the topics related to getting along...gender issues, sex, cultural studies, politics, government, and even spiritual and religious studies, just to name a few. Not to mention the other taboo subjects, like the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and esoteric knowledge. Exactly how it it is linked to relationships, I am frightfully curious to find out.
Catch the latest LifeCasts here.
The Youtube Project
This was a project designed and implemented by ELLE- and The Novie. They wanted to take a real life documentary on getting along. These two individuals applied the knowledge revolving around the concepts we teach. Some people like to learn by example. Seeing as how these two live the knwoledge in addition to talking about it, these videos are not only fun to watch, but light hearted and still revealing.
Watch the Youtube project here.
BTS Academy
Viewed one of the Lifecasts and want to get an indepth course on the subjects mentioned in Living Now (or any other segment)? The BTS Academy offers extended courses online and in select local areas. For beginners, the Learning How to Learn course focuses exclusively on the mindsets that lead to success and creating the life you want, including the ideal relationship. It also focuses on the structures and trends that tend to create a mindset of victimization and fear, some of the key ingredients in in a failing relationship.
Help Desk
Have questions about relationships after viewing the Lifecasts? Do you seek some individual advice after you have taken a BTS Academy course? Inspired by the Youtube Project videos and want to get started on building your own lasting relationships? Helpme.novism.org provides answers and guidance in if you are seeking direction. Most of our response team can get back to you within 24-48 hours at the latest.
Click here to leave a question or inquiry.
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