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B1. Crew: ELLE - 1 **


E.L.L.E. - 1



ILLAC PHASMATIS Chapter 1:Confusion

[ELLE-1: Thought Initialization]








Above: ELLE-1 Meditates on peak of mountain.

They say that the difference between those that become and those that want is enormous.

When people used to ask me what my dream career was, I never answered them. I used to feel annoyed because I didn't think that the ideal career existed for me. But it is that the career did not exist for me. It just meant that my ideal career was something that I needed to create.

Schematics was not a language that I used until I began to work closely with The Novie. However, since I was little, I saw traces of what I could only describe as an unhappiness among people. And it was everywhere. Take school for instance. The bullying that children do comes from an innate fear of the unknown and their subconscious need to feel special and separate from everyone else. I remember seeing one of my male classmates being shoved by a group of boys until he fell and scraped his knee, all because they thought he was not athletic enough to play football with them.

This need to feel special and have a purpose carries on until the child is an adult, and it still carries on for the rest of his life. He or she is defined by career, relationships, church, political group, the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the music they listen to, the movies they watch, the books they read, the sex they have--which all stem from a system of beliefs and associations that usually come from the past.

Even groups that claim to be into self-help and new age wisdom fall within this same failure rate.

So, where was love in all this? Could people truly be happy? More importantly, if people could not be happy here, was there something beyond this known world? Something that went beyond a career, relationship, eating, sex, movies, books, church, religion? I thought yes, there was something beyond this world. However, ghosts, supernatural stories, and fantasy stories were the closest I could get at the time. I found out shortly after being a part of this organization that these stories are so inaccurate as to be funny when I present them to entities like The Novie, D'Avion, and our OFFWorld Brothers.

I used to refer to self-help books, self-help seminars, spiritual growth seminars, and psychology books for answers to dilemmas about the unhappiness people have. But self-help books were only offering a fraction of understanding. I felt that they didn't offer any real solutions.

And so at this crossroads, I decided to find people to help me research the answers. There had to be a solution. More importantly, there has to be a way to apply this solution to our daily lives and become something more than what our DNA and society dictate. I had begun to sense at this time, right before I joined Become the Source and iRadio, that there was a kind of love and peace that was not known here on earth, but perhaps somewhere else in another world. This kind of love and peace was not known to me at all, but it had to be better than what we were experiencing down here!

They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. And so it did appear for me, as my continuous research landed me a job working for an organization called Become the Source. It was here that I met The BOSS, a person who I thought was completely in charge of the organization until I met MOTHER.

And it was shortly after I joined Become the Source, that I walked into a remarkable class taught by The Novie.

To be honest, if things had not gone as bad as they did with The Novie's former students, I would have asked the entire student body in that class to combine their efforts with Become the Source and iRadio. After all, I always believed in a type of communal living where everyone shared, contributed, and grew together. These are the times where folks like Mr. Godding would say that I am way too giving and compassionate.

For this same group of students, a group that all contributed to the eventual search for Source consciousness, fell into the same need to feel special. Their gradual "insanity", as MOTHER would term, a self-defeating search for being important and feeling superior to others, was no different from what I witnessed in most cliques, political organizations, churches--and even cults.

A virus, as The Novie terms it.

And then as I found out from research gathered from this former research group, and in combination with the research found from our Agents, Associates, and the Collective, research that was assigned from The BOSS and MOTHER, genetics and thought-forms are so closely associated with each other and their influence on a person that they might as well be the same thing.

Yes, yes, the accuracy of language! Be impeccable with your words was what I heard one of our OFFWorld brothers say. Be accurate in your language, is what I hear The Novie say. Being accurate is another project that is ongoing and that I'm growing from. Frustrating and enlightening as it is, I am always grateful for it.

Regardless, I can really see what they mean when they say "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"!

Personally, this was refreshing and frightening. Because if everybody was subject to their DNA structure and failures that were associated with that DNA structure, then what did that say about me and the rest of the people?

When I first brought up this observation to The Novie, he just smiled and said "Yes, the failure rate is high."

Failure rate? I still wonder to this day...what does it mean, "failure"? Why is it so high? I wondered if it was at all possible for people to apply this knowledge that I had learned and apply it to their daily lives, as I am doing. The path is still gray, but I may be approaching that love and becoming something that, when reached, would be beyond human comprehension.

The recent events and changes that have happened within me prove this everyday (the term MOTHER uses for these changes are "the hybrid transformation", and I still have no clue what it means.)

Though I had a clue that was something more to what The Novie said, I was yet to find out that the failure rate applies to life in general. Once more, since deciding to work with this organization, the idea of failure meaning death has started to settle on me. And as it is settling on me, it is unsettling and yet not surprising at the same time.

I think this is because we all know better than we say we do, despite the fact that we "don't get it" as The Novie would say. And therefore, there really is no place to hide. With some entities, everything really is out in the open, and I had my first taste just recently. I still don't know what to make of it, but I am not afraid. I intend to go into that a little bit later, as I am sure it will continue to be an ongoing subject of fascination and study and learning and growth for me. Perhaps the words "fascinating", "study", and "learning" are too kind and too optimistic of words for the recent discoveries and revelations that have been happening as of late. Or at least, that sounds like something that The Novie, D'Avion, and even The BOSS would say to me.

And for what's about to happen in the future, I may have to bite my tongue and agree.



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